don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
