That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Come on in and take your pants off
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