There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
