He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
