He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
