he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
pray to the hookup gods
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
