well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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