What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Small penises have feelings too.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
