i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
