I heard we made out
I'm going to jail i love you
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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