Just mADE A PArabola og urine
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
