guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
this hospital has no fireball
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
