I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
