I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
