i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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