Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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