i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
