Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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