my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
