Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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