Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
