Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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