im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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