he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
