That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
