So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
