we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
