She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
As shirtless as possible
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Randomize
