Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
