in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
where are you?
Hypothermia
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize