Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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