I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
