Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
