If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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