well I can't set my house on fire every night
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
