Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
