we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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