Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
