You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Operation Purity has been aborted
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My bed smells like the plague
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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