Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Never underestimate the power of titties
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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