I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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