they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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