The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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