i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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