They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
