Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
