high people should be assigned attendants
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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