I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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