Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
