I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
