i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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