So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
