Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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