Just cropdusted the office
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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