i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
