It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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