I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
