What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
