Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
