Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
