You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
