Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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