YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
