apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
