I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
