i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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