Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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