Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
