My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
