the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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