dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
