my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
