my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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