Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
